How Not To Fall Out Of Love
I leaned in close to my beautiful Karen.
Her back was resting against the railing that separated us from the waterfall. This was the girl I would spend the rest of my life with, and I knew it. Earlier, we had walked through the small New York town of Rush. We held hands and laughed. We dreamed and ate chocolate. Now we were hidden from the whole world beneath the fir trees, our very own hideaway. We kissed. It was sweet, magical, beautiful, tender, affectionate—all the things a good kiss should be.
I knew I needed this girl in my life and I wanted to be a part of her life—till death do us part. A year later we got hitched. Two became one.
I married Karen because I needed her, every part of her. As Jerry McGuire
“If a relationship is built solely on needs being met it will eventually collapse into a legal partnership.”
And it isn’t wrong to need her, but I have discovered over the last twenty-something years that while “needs met” is a beautiful part of love, it can’t be the foundation.
If a relationship is built solely on needs being met it will eventually collapse into a legal partnership, a business relationship, a sterile agreement to cohabitation. If each person in a relationship is primarily focussed on their needs being met, at some point their love will grow apathetic and cold, at some point the lovers will “fall out of love.”
True love is measureless, it grows exponentially, it defines and makes sure, it empowers and encourages, it has an answer and redeems every issue, heartache, and disappointment. Marriage is meant to be an intimate covenant of this love, a beautiful expression of the measureless power of love.
When love is at the center of a
“Falling out of love is not possible if you are becoming love.”
Falling out of love is not possible if you are becoming love.
If Karen and I only loved each other for needs met, we would miss out on intimacy. Intimacy is the greatest expression of love and trust. I am not just writing about the physical. Intimacy is available in every aspect of a relationship where giving is the foundation. Intimacy is way bigger than needs met. Intimacy is about revelation, about knowing and being known. Karen and I have been married nearly a quarter century and she is more fascinating to me today than yesterday. The more I give myself to her, the more I want to know her. The more I know her the more I have to give.
It’s the same in our relationship with God. If we only love Him for what He can do for
“If we only love God for what He can do for us, if our love revolves around needs met, our love will grow stale, lukewarm.”
We love because He first loved (1st John 4:19). He already gave, everything. Every aspect of our Father’s nature is available to us and is discovered in giving ourselves to Him.
Through a revelation of His perfect love is an invitation to knowing, to giving, to growing sure, to trust and intimacy. To grow in love is to give love as God gives. May we all grow in love.

Jason Clark is a writer, speaker and lead communicator at A Family Story ministries. His mission is to encourage sons and daughters to grow sure in the love of an always-good heavenly Father. He and his wife, Karen, live in North Carolina with their three children.
YOU ALSO MIGHT LIKE…
You Can’t Get There From Here
“What am I still lacking?”That question cuts to the heart of the matter. And I imagine Jesus was thrilled by it. It’s a humdinger, a recognition that even though the young man kept all of the commandments, something was missing…
PETER HIETT / WHAT ABOUT HELL?
The goodness of God but hell, atonement but hell, reformation but hell, scripture but hell, Calvinism but hell; in this podcast Peter Hiett describes hell as “Satan’s big but.” In this conversation Peter walks us through the story of our own creation, the goodness of God’s reconciling love, the relational kindness of a God who encounters, sets free and transforms.
Peter describes a God who delights in His creation, a God who destroys what is evil, creates what is good, and invites us to observe our own creation in Christ Jesus.
JAMIE & DONNA WINSHIP / OUR TRUE IDENTITY
How to experience God, confession, faith, fear, freedom, our true identity, and cruciform, others-focused, self-emptying unconditional love barely scratches the surface of this packed conversation on the goodness of God. Jamie and Donna Winship share how we can discover our true identity through a relationship with God and each other.
0 Comments