How Not To Fall Out Of Love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I leaned in close to my beautiful Karen.

Her back was resting against the railing that separated us from the waterfall. This was the girl I would spend the rest of my life with, and I knew it. Earlier, we had walked through the small New York town of Rush. We held hands and laughed. We dreamed and ate chocolate. Now we were hidden from the whole world beneath the fir trees, our very own hideaway. We kissed. It was sweet, magical, beautiful, tender, affectionate—all the things a good kiss should be.

I knew I needed this girl in my life and I wanted to be a part of her life—till death do us part.  A year later we got hitched. Two became one.

I married Karen because I needed her, every part of her. As Jerry McGuire said “She completes me.” It’s the truth, a healthy absolute. I am truly lost without her. I need her mind, her compassion, her patience, her wisdom, her revelation, her encouragement, her smile…

“If a relationship is built solely on needs being met it will eventually collapse into a legal partnership.”

(click to tweet)

And it isn’t wrong to need her, but I have discovered over the last twenty-something years that while “needs met” is a beautiful part of love, it can’t be the foundation.

If a relationship is built solely on needs being met it will eventually collapse into a legal partnership, a business relationship, a sterile agreement to cohabitation. If each person in a relationship is primarily focussed on their needs being met, at some point their love will grow apathetic and cold, at some point the lovers will “fall out of love.”

True love is measureless, it grows exponentially, it defines and makes sure, it empowers and encourages, it has an answer and redeems every issue, heartache, and disappointment. Marriage is meant to be an intimate covenant of this love, a beautiful expression of the measureless power of love.

When love is at the center of a relationship, when we are becoming love, then a relationship is not about what I can get or how I meet my needs, it’s about what I can give. And the generous truth in this relationship is not only are needs met, needs are exceeded in the measureless abundance of love. It’s in laying down our lives for each other that we grow in love.

“Falling out of love is not possible if you are becoming love.”

(click to tweet)

Falling out of love is not possible if you are becoming love.

If Karen and I only loved each other for needs met, we would miss out on intimacy. Intimacy is the greatest expression of love and trust. I am not just writing about the physical. Intimacy is available in every aspect of a relationship where giving is the foundation. Intimacy is way bigger than needs met. Intimacy is about revelation, about knowing and being known. Karen and I have been married nearly a quarter century and she is more fascinating to me today than yesterday. The more I give myself to her, the more I want to know her. The more I know her the more I have to give.

It’s the same in our relationship with God. If we only love Him for what He can do for us, if our love revolves around needs met, our love will grow stale, lukewarm or even demanding. And if we aren’t in a growing discovery of love, received and given, we will end up relating to Him through the dysfunction of need.

“If we only love God for what He can do for us, if our love revolves around needs met, our love will grow stale, lukewarm.”

(click to tweet)

We love because He first loved (1st John 4:19). He already gave, everything. Every aspect of our Father’s nature is available to us and is discovered in giving ourselves to Him.

Through a revelation of His perfect love is an invitation to knowing, to giving, to growing sure, to trust and intimacy. To grow in love is to give love as God gives. May we all grow in love.


Jason Clark
is a writer, speaker and lead communicator at A Family Story ministries. His mission is to encourage sons and daughters to grow sure in the love of an always-good heavenly Father. He and his wife, Karen, live in North Carolina with their three children.

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

YOU ALSO MIGHT LIKE…

Forward By Randall Worley

Forward By Randall Worley

The way Jason approaches the question of control reminds me of the poem by Emily Dickinson titled “Tell All The Truth, But Tell It Slant.” Dickinson says that “we should tell the truth —the whole truth—but tell it indirectly, in a circuitous and round-the-houses fashion. The truth,” she says, “is too bright and dazzling for us to be able to cope with it in one go. We have to be overwhelmed by it.”

JARED SCHOLZ / SANDBOX TO MUSEUM

JARED SCHOLZ / SANDBOX TO MUSEUM

Following Jesus in real time, living responsive, rediscovering Jesus, an evolving and maturing faith, Love being our Cornerstone, the church, growing in trust, and humble leadership, in this conversation, the guys dive into Jared Scholz’s new book, Sandbox to Museum, a book that seeks to clarify the deconstruction landscape and help readers avoid the pitfalls of modern deconstruction.

Free To Give / Sapphira

Free To Give / Sapphira

The difference between an honest question and entrapment is the spirit in which it’s asked. When Grace is the spirit, the question confronts for the purpose of repentance, transformation, and restoration. When Law is the spirit, the question condemns for the purpose of separation and retribution.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This

Share This

Share this post with your friends!