I Couldn’t Believe in God’s Goodness
“I just knew it! I knew I was missing a piece of the puzzle!”
I yelled at the top of my lungs, as I danced through my house, filled with a renewed energy. “I knew I didn’t have all the information, I knew I wasn’t getting the whole picture!” As I danced around, (thankfully I was alone so no one had to witness my dancing) I was filled with a fire, a fire that would change the world. What happened? Why was I so fired up? I discovered the truth, the missing piece of the puzzle; the ointment for my aching heart. The truth found in the book, God Is Not In Control! This book sparked an unquenchable passion in my heart to tell others about the goodness of God. I just knew I had to share my life-changing discovery with others. Others must know the true nature of God. But how could I change the world? I knew I had to share my own painful journey. I thought to myself, “Ugh… really?” I thought to myself, “there has to be an easier way to do this….” But there was not another way; I had to share my own healing journey. Thus, the writing of my book The Invitation. Here is an excerpt:
More than anything on this earth, I wanted to have an intimate relationship with God. But in spite of that desire, my relationship with God was distant and at best “lukewarm.” I would teach on the goodness of God and his love, while my heart believed the opposite. A war raged inside of me—a journal entry from the summer of 2016 read, “I don’t want to be at war with you!” But in spite of all my efforts, I was at war with God. My whole life, I had been fighting a secret war with God.
What was the secret war? A war to believe in the goodness of God! I wanted to believe that I served a good God, but his goodness was something I could never truly believe in my heart. This disbelief about his goodness created a huge chasm in my heart. I wanted to believe, but I didn’t! This chasm was not only the source of all my frustration and pain but was also responsible for the haunting fear of being “found out.”
The age-old question, “If God was so good, then why did (fill in the blank) happen?” gnawed at my mind as it does for so many believers. Believers, including myself, have used safe but incorrect responses such as “God knows why” or “You just have to trust that he had a reason.” These worn-out answers never satisfied the haunting questions that filled my heart with doubt and unbelief…
Deep in my heart, I knew I needed healing! I needed to have full confidence in the goodness of God and his love for me. Without this assurance of his goodness, I would never experience true love, security, or peace in my life. Never…
In the fall of 2017, I started my healing journey. My ministry, my writing, and my teaching all had to stop; I needed to focus my energy and strength on the task at hand…
Prayer, worship, and meditation became an ax I used to chip away at the many layers of wrong thinking and deception. Revelation of God’s goodness had to become my own truth, my reality. My heart had to be filled with his love and goodness…
I would liken this process to the refurbishing of old furniture. Hurts, disappointments, and rejections served as a thick layer of varnish over my heart. Shame provided a thick sealant of protection. “If God is so good, then why was my dad killed? Why was my childhood traumatic?” Tormenting thoughts from childhood tragedies ruled my mind and devastated my heart and created havoc in every area of my life. Security and peace stood just out of reach never to be fully grasped or experienced until I summoned the courage to invite and allow the Holy Spirit to dig deep in my heart, exposing the root of my greatest fears and chipping away at the deeply imbedded layers of deception and wrong believing…
… fear still reared its ugly face with thoughts such as “You are really putting yourself out there. What if people reject your words? What if people reject your revelations?” But God calmed those fears and spoke directly to my heart through Matthew 10:27, which states, “Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops.” The revelation and the healing were not meant to be mine alone; the journey was to be shared with others as a source of hope and encouragement. In my darkest moments, God met me and filled me with the revelation of his goodness and love; he wants to do the same for you.
“I just knew it!” I knew I was missing a piece of the puzzle!” Just as God Is Not In Control provided my heart with truth and stirred a fire within my heart, I pray my book will do the same for you! Are you ready to be fired up, too?
Will you have the courage to push past old beliefs about God and embrace him as a good and loving Father? The Invitation is calling you into a deeper, more intimate relationship with God. Will you accept?
Do you desire an intimate relationship with God but struggle with questions about God’s goodness? Have you ever asked, “If God is so good, then why did that happen? Why was my childhood surrounded by so much trauma and abuse? Why is there so much ugliness and pain in the world? How could a good God allow such terrible things to happen to me?”
God is not afraid of these tough questions and offers everyone a personal invitation to an intimate relationship with Him, the Creator of the universe. Will you have the courage to push past old beliefs about God and embrace him as a good and loving Father? The Invitation is calling you into a deeper, intimate relationship with God. Will you accept?
Learn More about Brenda Engelking’s book The Invitation »
Brenda Engelking is a credentialed pastor, conference speaker, and author of the Love Trust Rest curriculum. For more than twenty years prior to full-time ministry, Brenda served domestic violence victims in various capacities and trained law enforcement, probation officers, and judges on domestic violence and lethality. Brenda is married to Matthew Engelking and lives in Minnesota with her two rescued pit bulls, Moses and Esther.
Email: 2pitluv@gmail.com
Does God Use Tragedy To Manipulate
Jesus revealed that God never instigates nor manipulates a tragedy to grow faith, that’s not what a good Father does. But it is what a controlling God would do.
A good Father works all things for good to those who say yes to His love. Working all things for good is what the authority of Love looks like. Jesus didn’t come to earth to reveal that God is in control; He came to reveal the authority of our Father’s always-good love. God is not in control, He is Love and Love has all authority. His love is sovereign.
To suggest God assists in evil things happening to us for our own good is to suggest that God partners with the enemy to grow our faith. It’s ridiculous. He is either always good or He is bipolar.
I wonder if we have such a rash of bipolar in the western world because the church teaches a controlling God who is always good except when isn’t.
Often the Bible is interpreted through our experience instead of His Love. We allow our intellect, our observations, and our experience to mold our belief regarding the nature of God. But He is light; there is no darkness in Him! He is always good, regardless of our experiences. And when we live in this conviction we have the keys, the freedom to see Him as He truly is. Scripture confirms it, the life of Jesus, perfect theology, confirms it. “God is love,” “God is light and there is no darkness in Him.”
However, if we are not convinced that God is love and the perfection of His love is the fullness of His authority, if we aren’t convinced that God is love and His love is perfectly good, if we think God is controlling, even a little bit, then we are forced to navigate our faith journey with a Bipolar God.
I have heard this controlling bipolar God taught for far too long.
Recently a preacher raised a question is his message that insinuated that Jesus allowed Lazarus to die in order to get the most “bang for the buck” regarding Mary and Martha’s faith. He asked a question, “What encourages your faith more, healing before you die or resurrection after you’re dead?”
The premise behind the question is based on the idea that God is in control. And the premise behind the question is horribly wrong!
It suggests that God played a role in Lazurus’ death so he could then capitalize on Mary and Martha’s tragedy. It makes God complicit in Lazurus’ death all so He can then manipulate their circumstance to grow faith. What kinda good Father would do this?
When we read our Bible through the lens of control, we let the circumstances in this story determine God’s nature. If circumstances determine God’s nature we will find ourselves asking questions that compromise the perfect love revealed in Jesus. It’s a dangerous road to travel, one that doesn’t lead to life.
The controlling God premise behind the preacher’s question, “what encourages your faith more,” actually undermines faith.
If we aren’t convinced of an always good and perfect Love, if we aren’t convinced in the sovereignty of Love, we will read the Bible through the lens of control, we will see our relationship with God through the lens of control, our relationships, our motivations, our security will suffer. We will be forced to partner with tragedy because, who knows, it could just be God’s will.
Roman 8:28 says, “God works all things for the good of those who love him…” That’s not a description of what He does, it’s a description of His love nature – the authority and power of sovereign Love.
The scripture doesn’t say God allows bad things to happen so we can have more faith. It says He is redeeming all things, even the bad things, to good.
He is a Relentless Redeemer.
The fact that Mary and Martha grew exponentially in faith through Lazarus’s death and resurrection was the evidence of His goodness, not the evidence of a God with a bipolar nature; a God who partners with death in one moment only to raise the dead in the next.
When we think God instigates and then builds our faith through tragedy, we are letting our circumstances define the nature of God. Suddenly we are forced to live in a relationship with a BiPolar God. And a BiPolar God is a God who can’t be trusted. And when our trust is compromised, then intimacy with God either becomes a principle or a concept instead of an experience.
He works all things to good to those who love Him, He redeems and restores. Why? Because He is perfectly good and He can’t help but work things to good to those that say yes to His love. That’s His sovereign love nature.
Say yes to His love today. Feel confident in His affection. He is restoring and redeeming all things!
Doubting Thomas?: Why God Loves Our Questions
Years ago, I overheard my mom in the kitchen telling my sister, Aimee, how Thomas was her favorite disciple of Jesus.
I was a little surprised by her choice and thought I’d be clever.
“Mom, I don’t want to be a doubting Thomas, but I’m pretty sure your favorite disciple was the fella with the underwhelming moniker,” I yelled into the kitchen sarcastically.
My mom came out of the kitchen and gave me a fiery look. One I saw too many times in my youth; a look that releases the awe-inspiring fear of God, “Jason, it’s just horrible we call him that! Think about the scripture we have because Thomas was bold enough to ask when the others weren’t?”
And just like that, my whole thought about Thomas changed. Thanks, mom! I am so grateful for your wisdom!
Jesus, attempting to prepare His disciples for the coming dark days of His death, tells them, “You know the way to the place where I am going.”
And John leans over to Peter and whispers. “Hey, Pete?”
“What?” Peter responds in a whisper yell (Peter was a horrible whisperer).
“Do you know the way to the place Jesus is going?” John asks with sincerity.
Peter furrows his brow, “Of course!”
John raises an eyebrow, “So you have no idea then.”
Peter waves John off brusquely. John is a little concerned but then he remembers and smiles, “No worries, Thomas will ask Him.”
And Thomas did. And we are all infinitely glad he did.
“Thomas said to him, ‘Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?’
“We don’t know…” It was nice Thomas included the other disciples, but because of his question we all have an answer, and it’s one of our all-time favorites!
“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.’”
Thomas’ “we don’t know” makes room for Jesus to highlight the tension of mystery and revelation, “You will know” and “From now on, you do know…” Jesus’ answer is the beautiful invitation to live in the tension of not knowing, with a promise of knowing.
Like always, Jesus is speaking in the infinite language of sovereign love…
John and Peter looked at each other after Jesus was finished. They still didn’t understand, but that wasn’t unusual. Jesus was always saying stuff that was not only confusing but also often seriously controversial.
The fact is, most of the time, most of the people listening to Jesus had little to no idea what He was talking about.
One time Jesus told His followers that the only way they could experience eternal life was if they ate His flesh and drank His blood. A lot of people stopped following Jesus that day. When Jesus asked the twelve disciples if they would leave Him also, Peter famously said, “Lord, to whom shall we go, you have the words of eternal life.”
Interpretation: “I don’t know… but God is good” and that’s enough.
Peter, John, Thomas and many others have revealed that to truly follow Jesus, we must be willing to live in the tension of not knowing and the invitation to know; to “get wisdom. Though it cost all (we) have, get understanding.”
We must embrace mystery if we are to gain revelation.
Jesus is the way to where we are going; He is the lens by which to discover wisdom, the key by which to unlock understanding.
I don’t call Thomas “doubting” anymore. He was a man of faith willing to live in the tension of the question so he might discover the whole story—the greater revelation. Thomas gave everything up to follow Jesus and after Jesus ascended to heaven, Thomas is believed to have shared the gospel of sovereign love, planting churches in Syria, Babylon (Iraq), Persia (Iran) and even into India before dying by a spear, martyred for his profound faith in the way the truth and the life.
**This is an excerpt from Jason’s new book on the sovereignty of love entitled, God Is (Not) In Control.
If God Is Good…
Then Why…
If I type into Google’s search bar, “If God is good…” Google will finish my search with the following suggestions:
…Why is there suffering?
…why do bad things happen?
…why is there evil?
These questions reveal something sad and devastating— most Google users, which means pretty much everyone, believe a lie about the nature of God. The lie? God is in control.
In my early twenties, I had a conversation with a co-worker friend who wanted to know about my faith. This girl didn’t know Jesus; she didn’t know about his always-good love. So I told her about him. I spoke with passion and power. She listened raptly, wanting and needing to believe me. I could see it in her eyes.
But then she asked me the question. It’s the question Google gets all the time: “If God is good, why do bad things happen?”
She wasn’t asking to be confrontational. She was sincere. It was clearly a question she had agonized over. It seemed to me she was desperate for an answer. She wanted to believe that a good God loved her.
I had no answer. In fact, if I’d been truly honest, I was conflicted with the same question. But I responded the same way many well-meaning Christians have when faced with the question.
“God is in control,” I said.
Then I continued with the sledgehammer of misunderstood scripture, saying, “and He works all things for good” (Rom. 8:8).
It was meant to be comforting. It wasn’t. My answer was anemic at best, destructive at worst. And I knew it. Something wasn’t lining up.
She looked utterly disappointed, a heavy weight crushing her soul. I watched her shift from hope to sorrow and then anger.
“I can’t follow a God who allows child abuse!” She said with force. She described the darkest evil this world knows, and I felt her confused and angry grief like a fist to the jaw.
I think somewhere along the way she experienced the devastating horror of a broken fallen world, and I had just told her a good and loving God was responsible for it. My attempt to share God’s good love had only cemented her resistance to Him.
Even though I couldn’t have articulated it at the time, I instinctively knew my answer contradicted my premise. There was a disparity between the idea that God is in control and God is good.
At the time, I had a misunderstanding regarding God’s nature, his sovereignty. I believed God was in control.
The premise that God is in control can’t help but raise the Google questions—then why does He allow evil, suffering, and bad things?
That premise forced me to bend scripture to redefine his “working all things to good.” A good God who wants control of our lives and will partner with evil to get it; a good God who will compromise our freedom by manipulating evil circumstances to gain our affections; a good God who will allow love to be distorted and perverted to capitalize on our needs; a good God who is an accessory to murder, starvation, sickness, and poverty so that we would know He loves us…
Or in the case of my friend, a good God who would allow child abuse so He can work it all for good.
This contradiction to His nature is of epic proportions. It can’t be further from the truth. God is either good or He is in control; it can’t be both.
God is not in control. God is Love.
The premise that God is in control manipulates his nature into something contrary to love. There are no manipulations, no ulterior motives, no compromises; He is always good, He loves us and wants us to live powerfully free and in all the authority He won for us through his death and resurrection.
For centuries, much of the church has defined God’s sovereignty through the premise of control. I want to define it the way Jesus revealed it—as Love. Jesus revealed that Love has all authority and that every control of need was answered in the authority of Love.
God is love, and that’s what makes Him sovereign.
Love redeems, restores, heals, empowers, and transforms. Love trumps every controlling need this fallen world and the enemy of our souls throw at us. Love is the answer to disappointment, devastation, and abuse. Love empowers freedom to choose to be loved, to trust love, and to become love.
If I could talk to my co-worker friend today, I would apologize for how I misrepresented God’s nature. I would challenge the premise. I would tell her that God is not in control; Love doesn’t operate that way. I would tell her that God has nothing to do with the evils of this world or the devastation of sin. I would tell her He plays no part in the destruction of humanity.
I would tell her God is love and His love is always good. Always.
Then, I would tell her of the wonder of Jesus’ love, a Love that “works all things to good.” Not because Love controls, but because Love has all authority, relentlessly redeems, always restores, and powerfully resurrects.
I would tell her that Love can be trusted because Love is revealed perfectly in Jesus. I would tell her how Love trumps every disappointment, every evil, and every controlling need.
It is my heart’s desire that someday Google will have a new answer. When asked about the goodness of God, I hope Google will report stories of the church revealing the authority of Love–a love that redeems and restores and miraculously meets every controlling need. May we, the church, discover and live out this love that does not control, that is not against, that does not condemn and works all things for good.
This article is excerpted from Jason’s book, God Is (Not) In Control
BELIEVE
The Polar Express
Jason uses The Polar Express movie to reveal how faith and hope can be accessed through a greater revelation of our Father. He teaches about how Jesus and the Holy Spirit are continually making a way for us to know our Father.
This message was given to Newsong Church in 2013.
This is an excerpt from a message in Dec of 2012 to Crossroads Church Concord.
SHIFTING OUR LENS
In each test that God gives is available to us breakthrough for our thinking, for our future experiences and for the generations that follow us. This breakthrough is available to the extent that we, like Abraham with Issac, go into the test contending for resurrection life, contending for the goodness of God, the sovereignty of love.
Jason helps us reset our God lens regarding testing. Testing is an invitation to a greater revelation of sovereign love so that we can access intimacy.
Jason goes more in-depth on this subject in his book, God Is (Not) In Control. For more information on the book CLICK HERE
This message was given to The Gate Church in Charlotte NC in Oct 2017.
#Testing #Identity #MyersBriggs #StrengthFinders #Intimacy
GRACE & IDENTITY
Grace is unmerited favor. We can’t do anything to earn it and we can’t do anything to abuse it. Grace enables us to see ourselves from God’s perspective and empowers us to live in agreement with how He sees us – as saints of the Highest One. This message was given to Newsong Church Sept of 2017.
#Grace #HyperGrace #Identity #Favor #WisdomAndFavor
HE LOVES ME BEST
This message was given to River Church Charlotte 2010. Jason had just started writing Prone To Love, a book focused on the always good love of our heavenly Father. This message has been the foundation of every aspect of the life and ministry of A Family Story.
#HeLovesMeBest #GodsFavorite
What would happen if we actually lived out the relationship and reality we talked, preached, and sang about? Easy. We would change the world.
The roadblock preventing us from stepping into our identities as sons and daughters of God is not lack of discipline, resources, or creative ideas. We have all of this?…so what’s missing?
To discover who you are, first, you must know who the Father is and what He’s like. Prone to Love is your invitation and manual to discovering an always-good Father and His love for you.
SOVEREIGN LOVE #godisnotincontrol
God Is Not In Control
This message was given to Newsong Church Nov 2016. Jason introduced the message of his forthcoming book, God Is (Not) In Control. Jason teaches on the sovereignty of God and how a greater revelation of sovereign Love will lead to greater trust and intimacy.
#GodIsNotInControl #Intimacy #SovereignLove
Have you ever heard the phrase, “God is in control” and it just didn’t sit right? Maybe it was given with good intention – to ease your pain, confusion, or disappointment. Maybe it was given to increase trust. But it seemed to only confuse your heart further by raising the question, “If He is in control and He is good, then why did this bad thing happen?”
What if control is a flawed word to describe God’s sovereignty? What if there is an infinitely better word, a greater revelation – LOVE!
This book is an invitation to discover the sovereignty of God’s love. I believe this message will empower greater trust and intimacy and it is my joy and honor to present it to you.
God Bless
Jason Clark
IF THESE WALLS COULD SPEAK
This message was given to Newsong Church on the first Sunday in the new building in 2015. It was an invitation to Gods presence being made manifest. Jason talks about several God encounters and miracles he has experienced and how Newsong was a home for encounter and the miraculous. This message gives a good look into the DNA of both Newsong Church and the ministry of A Family Story.
The message was given to Newsong Church in Jan of 2015.