An Authoritarian In Pastor’s Clothing
Have you ever had your trust broken by an authoritarian in pastor’s clothing?
Like David in Saul’s throne room, I’ve played my metaphorical harp with my heart open to God’s love and one eye always on the authoritarian King.
“Best to see the spear coming,” I say, having been on the pointy end of a few.
If David had trusted King Saul, his life story would have been much shorter as he wouldn’t have survived Saul’s hurled spears, never mind the ten plus years of living on the run while the authoritarian hunted him.
David honored Saul’s title, but had he equated honor with trust, as so many Christians have been taught to do, he would have died painfully at the end of a spear. David’s trust was placed in God’s goodness. Surely God’s goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, he wrote in his most famous psalm. God’s goodness and love are where David put his trust. A good place to put it and the reason God referred to Him as a man after His own heart. (See Psalm 23:6 & 1 Samuel 13:4)
Blind trust is a fool’s game. A person’s title doesn’t infer character, or integrity, and has nothing to do with kindness. And honor and trust aren’t the same things.
You can honor someone without trusting them. And when it comes to hell-fire authoritarians, I’d recommend it.
Honor and trust are not mutually exclusive. Honor simply recognizes a person’s humanity, their intrinsic value, and the fact they were made in the image and likeness of God.
Trust is earned over time, through faithfulness, by those who lay their lives down.
When it comes to titles, especially within the church, unkindness in any form is an alarm bell. When I see it demonstrated, hear it preached, or defended, my trust for that leader diminishes faster than a five-year-old’s meltdown in the ice cream aisle of a grocery after mom says no.
But I digress…
Excerpted from, Leaving and Finding Jesus…
You Can’t Get There From Here
Years ago, I took my twelve-year-old daughter, Eva, on a road trip speaking tour. We were in a western New York Tim Hortons eating donuts and discussing the roadkill deer count to that point—an odd game we’d stumbled across early in the trip when we overheard the man at the next table say to his buddy, “You want to know what it’s like to be married? Chain yourself to a bear and kick it.”
I whispered to Eva, “What kinda moron kicks a bear?”
My little girl whispered back, “Especially one you’re chained to.”
As we hit the road, we dove into a conversation about the tough spot that fella and his wife were in, the brilliance of Eva’s quick wit, and the oddness of that phrase, “Chained to a bear.” This, of course, led to a competitive discussion as we one-upped each other with odd sayings.
Every culture has them—colloquialisms, vestiges of days past. Some origins are easy to discern, like, “Knock it out of the park,” which Eva knew. Others like, “Break a leg,” less so.
Then, there’s the curious phrases that are just good twelve-year-old fun.
“What’s a ‘humdinger,’ Eva?”
“What about, “clean as a whistle, dad?” That question led to a brief conversation about how whistles are just spit-catchers and an agreed-upon conclusion: There’s nothing clean about them.
“Rose-colored glasses?” I asked.
“Raining cats and dogs?” she responded.
“Give it to me straight like a pear cider made of 100% pears?” I Googled it for Eva, but you’ll have to do your own research.
“And why would you ‘beat a dead horse,’ Eva, it’s dead?” I noted, and continued, “Also, please stop beating horses, dead or alive.”
“Agreed,” Eva nodded, then lobbied, “What about, ‘out like a light?’”
I looked at her, confused.
That’s, been, turned, off?”
“Good point,” I grinned thoughtfully.
“What about ‘the rules were made to be broken?’” I asked.
“Yeah, pretty sure that’s not why they were made,” Eva responded.
I continued, “And how does ‘imagining everyone in their underwear’ calm the nerves of a first-time public speaker? That’s counterintuitive, Eva, true story.”
There were plenty more, but the conversation came to its zenith when I remembered a saying I’d been harassing for nearly two decades: “You can’t get there from here.”
Back before GPS, in the days when, as a lost traveler, I had to stop and ask directions from some old-timer—always an old-timer; upon hearing my desired destination, he would shake his head as though I was willfully lost and say, “Son, you can’t get there from here.”
“Sure, you can, fella,” I’d think. “If I’m here and I need to get there, then there’s no other way to get there than from here. So, unless we’re having an existential conversation in the parking lot of a Piggly Wiggly, I’m certain I can get there from here if you’d be so kind as to give me directions.”
For years, I only employed the phrase to cleverly expound on its contradiction. Then, one late night several years ago, I navigated for my brother, Joel, as we traveled from Charlotte to Lexington for a conference. By navigated, I mean, I listened to Siri communicate directions and then repeated after her.
Siri, “Turn left,”
“Turn left,” I said, looking up from my phone and pointing.
“Joel! Left! There!”
“I can’t turn left, bro. Look!” Joel responded as we passed our hotel, and I immediately recognized the problem. A freshly cemented three-foot-high concrete wall had been installed in the median between the left turn and our destination. We couldn’t turn left.
As we drove past and Siri jabbered, “Recalculating,” I heard myself saying that rascal phrase, “You can’t get there from here.”
Then, with epiphanous enthusiasm, “Oh? Oh! It’s about the road you’re traveling!”
“Eva, it’s about the road you’re traveling, get it?”
“Yeah, dad,” she said as she pointed at another dead deer on the side of the highway, “Eleven!”
We looked at each other and, in unison, said, “And a half.”
What Am I Still Lacking?
In Matthew 19, a young fella asked an old timer for directions. We know him as The Rich Young ruler who asked Jesus, “Teacher, what good thing shall I do so that I may obtain eternal life?” (1)
That’s a good question.
Eternal life feels like an intangible thing most days, a transcendent experience just beyond our reach. For most of us, eternal life doesn’t even start until, well, later…
But as my friend, Paul Young, describes it, “eternal life is not on a timeline; it is the ever-present now.”
And the Greek word for eternal is aiónios. It “does not focus on the future…but rather on the quality of the age [to which it relates]. Thus, we live in eternal life right now and can experience this quality of God’s life as a present possession.” (2)
Two things: First, if you’re worried there’s gonna be a lot of Greek in this book, let not your heart be troubled; I didn’t even graduate from Bible College. Second, and more to the point, Jesus acknowledged the man’s desire to possess eternal life like I possess my favorite coffee mug. I drink from it every day.
“Why are you asking Me about what is good? There is only One who is good; but if you want to enter life, keep the commandments.” Jesus responded. (3)
“Which ones?” The young man asked sincerely.
So, Jesus gave the fella some well-worn roads he could travel down, some of the greatest hits: “You shall not commit murder; You shall not commit adultery; You shall not steal; You shall not give false testimony; Honor your father and mother, and, you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (4)
The young man replied, “All these I have kept; what am I still lacking?”
“What am I still lacking?” (5)
That question cuts to the heart of the matter. It describes religion perfectly and is what I hope to address in this book.
And I imagine Jesus was thrilled by the question.
It’s a humdinger—a recognition that even though the young man kept all the commandments, something was missing, an acknowledgment that somehow, he still didn’t measure up. It was a confession of incompleteness, a realization that no matter how far down the road he traveled, no matter what he did, how much he prayed, or obeyed, no matter how much he strived to do more and be better, he couldn’t seem to reach his destination.
Eternal life seemed like a cosmic game of whack a mole, or an earnest Tweet; the more he engaged, the more ineffectual, frustrated, and powerless he felt.
And I get it. “What am I still lacking” is a question I’ve asked for much of my life, and I’m not alone. It’s the question so many of my brothers and sisters ask today. It seems to haunt us even after we prayed the prayer—that first one, and the thousandth.
“What am I still lacking,” we ask after tragedy strikes, after disappointment crushes, after rejection breaks us, after loss devastates.
“What am I still lacking,” we ask after we miss the mark. It’s the question that torments us in addiction, condemns us when we fail, and shames us after we’ve hurt those we love.
“What am I still lacking,” we ask Sunday morning before church, and Sunday afternoon, after, because sadly, “What am I still lacking?” is the ‘gospel’ message many sin-counting preachers still present from many Western pulpits.
“Prone to wander! Lord, I feel it,” the sincere pastor pontificates. And, good lord, we feel it. “When I am weak, He is strong,” the teacher espouses, and lord knows it’s true—even though it’s the exact opposite of Paul’s words which read, “When I am weak, I am strong…” (6)
Hmm, it seems somehow the Apostle’s experience with eternal life was truer than his experience with what he was lacking.
That’s worth noting.
“What am I still lacking?” is like a mile marker on the road so many of us travel. It measures the distance between us and eternal life. It daily frustrates us with a beautiful destination to which we never arrive. At least, not in the ever-present now.
“What am I still lacking?” paints all creation with Adam’s fall instead of Christ’s resurrection.
“What am I still lacking?” exposes the dualistic hierarchy of for or against thinking. It’s the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil. It positions us against one another, forces us to point fingers, pick sides, and throw rocks.
“What am I still lacking?” is the beginning and end of every transactional approach to God, the conclusion of all retributive thinking.
And “What am I still lacking?” was the problem the Rich Young Ruler couldn’t solve. His question was sincere, and his desired destination was true and good. The young man was endeavoring to arrive at eternal life. And boy, if he wasn’t asking the right person for directions.
“Jesus, if I’m here and I want to get there, then how do I get there from here?” He queried.
Jesus honored his question by redirecting traffic. “Son, you can’t get there from here,” Jesus responded. “If you want to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” (7)
This article is excerpted from my book, Leaving and Finding Jesus
What Am I Still Lacking?
The Rich Young Ruler
A young fella came to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing shall I do so that I may obtain eternal life?”
Jesus answered in the language of the man’s understanding. “Why are you asking Me about what is good? There is only One who is good; but if you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”
“Which ones?” The young man asked, sincerely.
Jesus gave him some of the greatest hits.
“You shall not commit murder; You shall not commit adultery; You shall not steal; You shall not give false testimony; Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
The young fella replied, “All these I have kept; what am I still lacking?”
I imagine Jesus nodded excitedly, his love for the young man evident on His face. I imagine He loved that question.
“What am I still lacking?
It’s a good question, a recognition that even though he has kept every law, something is missing; it’s an acknowledgment that something still doesn’t measure up, a confession of incompleteness.
What am I still lacking? is the conclusion of living in the context of law instead of grace.
What am I still lacking? is the beginning and end of every transactional approach to God.
Jesus had to be thrilled as He told the young man how He might experience life without lack. “If you want to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”
The young man desired a beautiful destination. He was looking for a way to arrive. And Jesus participated in the young man’s earnest pursuit, He honored the young fellas desired destination. And so, He gave Him an answer on how to get there.
Jesus recognized the problem for the rich young ruler wasn’t the desired destination, it was the road he was traveling down. Jesus essentially said, “the road you’re traveling won’t deliver you to your desired destination.”
Jesus, the narrow road, the open door, essentially said to the young fella, “Your desires are good, your pursuits are righteous, your disciplines are holy, your destination is admirable, but You can’t get there from here.”
Jesus essentially said, “You’re traveling on the wrong road, you’re living in the wrong paradigm, you’re looking through a flawed lens, you’re missing the whole story. I am the whole story” (see Rom 8:2 Galatians 2:19).
It’s astounding how often I have sought the right destination on the wrong road; how often I have applied every principle, followed every commandment only to find myself asking God, “what am I still lacking?”
The young ruler wanted Jesus to give him one more thing to add to his “to-do list” of earning and coming up short, living in a cycle of lack and incompleteness.
And Jesus cut to the quick, He gave the fella something impossible to do, which was the whole point. “Go sell everything you have and follow me…”
Jesus essentially says, “You’re gonna have to leave every one of your self-righteous earning beliefs about God behind. You’re gonna have to completely walk away from that transactional way of thinking. I love your experiences, the scriptures you’ve memorized, the principles and disciplines you’ve practiced, I honor that, but your transactional approach to God, that’s gotta go. Son, everything you know, and all that you are, must be submitted to and then redefined and rediscovered in the paradigm of my others focused reconciling love.
Leave your behavior focused earning systems, your sin conscious approach to righteousness, behind; lay down your right to be offended, to be for or against, put away your ego adoring religious systems, what seems right to a man, stop participating in power through control; THEN pick up your cross, a self-giving reconciling love, and follow me.
Young fella, if you want to be complete, you gotta get off the road you’re on because you can’t get there from here…”
To be continued…
See Matthew 19 for the story of the Rich Young Ruler.
Excerpted from my forthcoming book, Leaving (& Finding) Jesus
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In Between
I am a newborn babe
The world is fresh and terrifying
“Incubator” and “Crib” are not words I care for
Put me against your breasts
Skin to skin
Heart to heart
All I want is one thing familiar
and it’s not in a box
It’s in your arms
For the love of God
do not put me in a box
I am a young child
The world is wide and
I could explore anything
Discover everything
But there is a desk in a box
Monday through Friday according to the bell
Hands in lap
Don’t talk to your neighbor
Now line up
Inside this box next to boxes in a box
The world is not in there
It’s outside between the trees and under the birds
For the love of God
Do not put me in a box
I am fifteen now
The world is confusing and
Appalling and a whole lot of fun
All at once
All the adults tell me who I am
Who I should be
Who I will be
But I’ll tell you who I am
It is not in your boxes
I am a creative, I am free, I am a force to be reckoned with
For the love of God
Do not put me in a box
I am what they call a young adult
I have a taste for the world
I’m worried I fit into the boxes you tell me are mine
The American Dream box
The young lovers (who end up divorced) box
The take-maternity-leave-and-doesn’t-
come-back box
The quiet wife in the back of church box
I’m still the wild little girl my mother raised, right?
Maybe?For the love of God
Please don’t put me in a box
I have reached middle age
The world is done telling me who to be
I know who I am now
I’ve had time to watch myself become that woman
I tell my students
To think outside the box
I tell my children
They don’t need to fit in the box
I tell my delivery man
Thank you for the box
Because that’s what boxes are for
For the love of God
Don’t put me in a box
I am an old lady
The world keeps going on and on
Here soon, very soon or too soon, I won’t be
The first of us came from the world
From dirt and soil
My ancestors came from the world
From Poland and Russia and Ethiopia too
My parents came from the world
From the mountains and abounding forests
They have all returned to it
Do not make me a coffin
Burn me like I’ve had an inner fire all my life
And throw me into the wind
To return to the world
To give back all I’ve taken
For the love of God
Do not put me in a box
I am on the other side
The world is far away
Even if it was my job to tell you what it’s like here
I don’t think I could
But I can tell you
What God is like
God is like a sunrise over Madagascar and Alaska at the same time
God is like the pangolin finding a burrow for the night
Or the bee pollinating a new field
God is like the love inside of you
Or the love between your family
Or the love connecting you to the world and all the life in it
Oh I’ve still not gotten it right
You see,
For the love of God
Cannot be put in a box
Abigail Lopez is a book worm, nerd, writer, artist, sister, and follower of the Way. She lives in Charlotte, NC, and likes to spend her free time vintage dancing and discussing theology with anyone and everyone who will!
Website: abigailinbetween.wordpress.com
Made To Create
In this, our first video, we’ll introduce a family walking a tightrope. We will also complete an abstract art challenge and conclude with a chat about how being a creative person is very much like walking a tightrope. Find us on FB- Made To Create Find us on IG- madeto_create Email- madetocreate100@gmail.com This Weeks Creative Challenge Supply List is as follows: Paper, paint, and an assortment of kitchen tools.
Aimee Perry, a singer/songwriter, and entrepreneur who presently resides in Charlotte NC. She has written music, poetry, blogs, stories, and children’s songs. One common thread running through her work is her ability to articulate matters of the heart in a way that leaves the reader with more understanding of their own humanity, and the joy of living loved. Made To Create YouTube Channel